39 thoughts on “He’ll kill us all!!!”

  1. Why did this random person who looks armed to the teeth silently come in to my house look through all my draws and wardrobes and take that random potion I didn’t even know was in my sock draw should I call the authoritys O.0

  2. Being a pedestrian in any GTA game. Having to endure one insanely psychopathic person murdering people and police in the streets

  3. Having this guy decked out in armor I didn’t even know existed and gear that looks ridiculous cut me off every time I have something to say and answers before I finish the question, does the guy just know what I am going to say? He must foresee the future, either way just let me finish my goddamn sentence Dragonborn!

  4. Why the hell is that blue guy stealing my crops. I’ve lived in this village for 15 years and then he shows up, but hey, at least he trades for my emeralds.

  5. I was walking down the street prepared to propose to the woman I loved but found myself to be wearing no clothes. -Random Nord, Skyrim

  6. A man being pursued by raiders led them to our village and more than half of our citizens died in the resulting carnage. But he’s a hero and deserves a hefty discount on all our goods!

  7. “I’ve been with this man for multiple days. He doesn’t speak at all, and for some reason, he loves his crowbar. They say he’s a scientist, but I’ve yet to see him study the intelligent life from another dimension. All he does is kill them, whenever he sees them.”

  8. To quote a copypasta:

    “Link must be downright terrifying for normal people in Hyrule to encounter. He’s like a heroic cryptid. Just imagine it, your village/region/kingdom is under attack from some monster or another and out of the trees this slender little twunk appears and immediately starts acting like he’s gonna help.

    And you’re skeptical of course because *look at him*.

    And then you find out that he’s basically a one man army who just fucking *wrecks* the dragon/God/monsters/etc. terrorizing your place before he breaks all of the pots in town and disappears again. Shit must be wild.

    Like your village has a statue of Link that’s built between his reincarnations, and people put clay pots around it as offering and thanks. One day some kid shows up, breaks all the worship pots, and runs off with nothing more than a “YAAH!” as they jump off a cliff into the forest below. You’re confused as fuck but your great-grandmother is weeping like she just saw a god. It would be like meeting Jesus and finding out he’s a gremlin.”

  9. Luigi’s mansion: “I tried to find a hero that was lost in a ghost mansion, but his brother is here to help me! No, wait…yep he’s just humping the furniture looking for gold. Aaaand now he’s attempting to remove every curtain using a vacuum cleaner.”

    Pokémon: “My neighbor, Red, just got his first pokémon, i’m gonna try to fight him while he’s weak with my precious caterpie so I can get strong enough to become the champion! Oh here he is now- wait he just walked past me…maybe he just didn’t see me, i’ll wait here until he comes back…”
    6 days later: *red walks past with lvl. 100 charizard* “Ha you’ll never beat me and my caterpie!” *Caterpie gets burnt to a crisp and dies on the spot*

    Mother: “I was on duty the other day and this little boy walks towards the zoo, I told him to watch out because all the animals are acting strangely. Instead of listening to me, he walks up to every one of them and beat them to death using only a bat. After committing zoo genocide we walked up to a monkey, sang, and then walked out of the zoo as if nothing happened.”

    Sonic: “OH SHIT! OH FUCK!! EGGMAN IS GONNA PISS ON THE MOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Mario kart: “This can’t be legal right? I’m driving on this turnpike on my way to work, and these jackasses start racing past me going way over the speed limit, i’m pretty sure one of them just tossed their compost onto the road and- SWEET JESUS ITS AN APE IN A GO CART!”

    Splatoon: “I outgrew my clothes so i decided to go shopping for some new attire, but i got kicked out of every clothing store in the city because they said they didn’t like how I looked. Also in the last week a giant statue just emerged from the ocean threatening to destroy the entire city, it blew up because a news reporter screamed at it. But right after that, the city became invaded by our sworn enemies trying to fit in. I got a job which was pretty cool until someone told me I was stealing the young of a neighboring species as well as killing most of their population, it got shut down.”

    Minecraft: “Hmm.”

  10. Why is there a man meditating in the middle of this bridge? Why does he only ask the play gwent and nothing more?

  11. Poor hadvar had to watch you sit there slowly morphing and changing races and sexes in front of him for 10-45 minutes when the player used character creation

  12. “I mean that sword was a family heirloom we were keeping to pay for our child’s education at the local magical academy when she grew up, but sure take it for the greater good.”

    Three weeks later

    “…He sold it to you for 200 gil to buy a high potion?”

  13. “So I was hanging out at the marketplace, and there was this guy, seemed to be in a bit of a hurry because he was running and jumping around everywhere carrying like five different things that he seemed to delivering all over town. So he gets to this wall and, instead of just moving 5 inches to reach the stone steps that lead safely up to the rich part of town, he just start jumping into the wall. I’m like dafuq ya doin’ ya pillock, but he just keeps jumpin’ and right as I’m about to leave the fucker shoots up like a rocket into the air! Only, he doesn’t just keep goin’ like ya’d except; he shoots up the wall and stops at the top, safely on the ground, and then jumps on his merry way!”

    ​

    Another one:

    ​

    Blacksmith: “Hello young man! How may I help you?”

    Player: “I need you to repair this ancient sword, made by your ancestors who took the secrets of forging them to their graves.”

    Blacksmith: “By Insertgodname’s beard! Yes, I can repair this. But I’ll need some very specific, very rare materials, that you’ll likely not have on your at the moment. First is 50 tonnes of adaman-”

    Player: “Here ya go.”

    Blacksmith: “… Uh, next is 10 silver-encrusted gemstones to channel the magic-”

    Player: “Order up.”

    Blacksmith: “… And finally the toenail clippings of an elder drag-”

    Player: “Looks like that’s everything. Sword pls.”

    Blacksmith: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

  14. Stuck in an endless loop, I wake up in this cart with two other men and a grotesque monster, he’s never the same each time vastly different, but most of the time he is horrifying.

    There taking us to be killed, tied us up and carting us to our deaths again. But I’m not scared I’ve been here before…. Oh he’s waking up, I feel compelled to say “hey you, your finally awake” I will live this nightmare for eternity.

  15. This man who the townspeople call “Dragonborn” picked up a bowl, held it straight out in front of himself, and walked through a wall with it! I was terrified!

  16. “What the hell is that guy in blue overalls doing – he’s running around like a madma-”

    “OW THAT HURT YOU ASS – better hide in my shell because who knows what he’ll…”

    “Oh god, he’s killing them with me….I’M SO SORRY BROTHERS AND SISTERS”

  17. “So, what is your name, prisoner?”

    *Prisoner begins shifting into different builds, races, genders, species, etc. for 45 minutes*

  18. Someone tried to gave me an emerald but i only have a apple for that emerald and now he is flying and burning down my village

  19. Skyrim
    “Why’s this guy just standing there? He knows the stores closed right?”
    Next day “did…did he stay there all night?”

  20. Playing Minecraft: *Steals all of the food and items in the village*

    Villagers externally: Hrm

    Villagers internally: **crying**

  21. “Boss, there’s an armed guy hiding in a cardboard box who keeps attaching balloons to our crew. Can we just shoot him?”

  22. NPC: “Woah what was that?!”

    NPC: *turns around, in a defensive stance*

    NPC: “Hey my fellow guard is dead!”

    NPC: “Ah well back to guarding!”

    NPC: *whistles nonchalantly*

  23. I saw it on the News. There was a helicopter chase and everything.Some guy down town was surrounded by hundreds of cops, all of them in a shootout with possibly the most violent criminal the country has ever seen. How did one man even build an arsenal like that? And where did they keep all those guns?Eventually they got him, the scum. Gunned him down in the street. After killing so many people he deserved everything he got.

    I was absolutely terrified today, though. As I walked past the local Hospital I think I saw them standing at the front entrance… It couldn’t be them. They died (,and even if they didn’t, why aren’t they in prison)!?

  24. Why is this guy walking so fast, i told him to follow me, wait, now he’s standing and waiting for me, oh he started walking too fast, again…

  25. “This ten year old kid walked in to my house without knocking. I then noticed the Pokeballs on his belt. I was afraid he was going to beat me up. I gave him a TM so he would go away”

  26. >Be a NPC

    >Your main purpose is to sell food

    >A character, with nice armour and weapons, mounted on a dragon arrives in front your food stand. He stares at you.

    >Suddenly a message appears down your field of view

    “Quicksaving”

  27. I asked this guy to escort me somewhere because the path there is dangerous but he keeps alternating between walking and running. Why doesn’t he just walk next to me like a normal person?

  28. Whiterun guard: The Jarl has tasked me with reporting the actions of the dragonborn within the limits of the city, have you had any contact with her?

    Belathor: Funny you should ask, just yesterday she came in insisting I buy an assortment of random junk, now I know I pride myself as a retailer of trinkets, odds and ends but some of this stuff was ridiculous. Sure there was the odd piece genuinely worth my attention but 8 cauldrons, 67 cabbages and 4 pairs of studded armour that smelled of mountain bandit and blood isn’t exactly the store’s forte. But she wouldn’t leave! She insisted I buy every last item! I didn’t have enough gold in the store to buy it all, even at a fraction of the market price, so she insisted on bartering for all the hides, ores, leather, ingots and all sorts of raw materials I normally reserve for Adrianne’s forge at the gates. Writing up the balance for THAT was a nightmare, had to bust out the abacus and everything. Sure it was one of the best single sales the store has seen but the whole ordeal was nothing short of draining!

    Whiterun guard: I see, have you seen her since then?

    Belathor: I was just getting to that, not an hour later she comes back through the door with, I kid you not, three sets of steel armour, 28 sets of leather armour and 15 pieces of assorted jewellery, all armoury new, masterfully crafted, and enchanted with the most esoteric magical enchantments you could imagine. And then she insisted I buy those too! At this point I have about 20 septims left in the cash drawer, each piece of armour would easily sell for at least 1000 septims each.
    I tried to explain that I didn’t have the money to accept such a trade but she just made this angry growling noise and stormed of muttering something about taking her business to the khajit outside the keep.

    Whiterun guard: Fascinating

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